Bar B Q the Beef Festival is Here

Chapter Five

The day of the festival had arrived. The Mayor wearing Band-Aids on his lips stood behind his podium on the front steps of the Court house overlooking a town full of what he hoped was people in cow costumes preparing to give his opening speech to start off what appeared to be their annual Bar B Q the kangaroo Festival.

Before the Mayor’s speech began the towns warning sirens went off echoing through out the town and Posskicker in a newly restored Ford pickup truck with a cage on the back shaking back and forth from the anger of the caged Phantom cow standing on her hind legs and punching the bars with her boxing gloves, drove slowly through the middle of the crowd with an attached siren blaring and lights flashing.

You know there are some things you just do not do! You do not drive closely through a crowd of people with a mad cow who has no respect for people or authority and has shown it many times by plopping droppings all over the court house floor. Need I say more? The entire crowd except the ones standing next to the cage was shouting “YA! YA! Phantom Steaks!” The ones standing close were hollering “oh no gross cow cakes!”.

The overly excited Judge used his whole body to push the Mayor away from the podium sending him reeling into his chair and as he struck the podium with his gavel, he hollered “everyone quite, court is now in session”. In anticipation of Phantom Stakes the whole crowd quickly hushed, yes you could have heard a pin drop.

The Judge called Mr. Numkins the first witness against the Phantom cow to take the stand. The black and blue District Attorney spoke very loudly; “Mr. Numkins, can you look over those present and point out the one who deliberately and criminally jumped in front of your newly restored Ford pickup truck causing you to wreck and total you truck?”

Mr. Numkins stood up and looked out over the crowd and said ‘I’m sorry your lordship but they all look the same”. The Judge leaned over and said “The only logical one it could be is the one in the cage”. Mr. Numkins who had lost his glasses earlier; pointed to the blurry cage and said ‘that’s her your lordship she’s the one”

After the court heard from over one hundred witnesses the Judge stood up behind the podium to pronounce judgment on the Phantom cow.

The district attorney gave his recommendation to the court. “Your lordship, her crimes of causing trucks to wreck without any deaths or casualties involved only carries a 5 to 10 year sentence. However I was informed fifteen minutes ago that the penalty on cattle rustling in our town just changed and a cattle rustling now carries the death penalty”.

The Judge now struck the podium with his gavel and said “Phantom cow you are here by sentence to die in one of the Mayors slaughter houses, any last Moos?

In a very low bellow the Phantom cow said “Mo! Moo! Moooo!” The Mayor looked at his monitor and read the translation that said “I have one last Moo!”

“Well then go ahead and let’s here it” said the Mayor.

The Phantom cow stood up tall and let out a very loud and lingering bellow. “Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

By: Mr Mud Wallering Jr © to be continued